Me

Although I have made all of you believe that I enjoy nonsense, I am in fact the most by-the-book person you may meet. In the morning, I always wake up at 7:36 A.M. and eat 235 cheerios saturated in 1% Publix Brand Milk. After that I go for a 2.53 Mile walk, followed by a 2.45 Mile run, followed by a .23 mile sprint. This is my way of life. I sit with perfect posture. I never fidget in my seat and smiles are rare.

Another random story "war"

Caleb (me): It was unbelievable... the orangutan just decided to file the tax return under the classification "Helicopter flavored peanuts"... those darned chapstick hoarders.
Mr. Geuder: Well, if it weren't for the frozen TV dinners, seventeen more pirates would have been left alone on stage to perform a Chinese language rendition of "Lobster Scales" without a single hockey puck in sight.
Caleb (me): Pertaining to the lost marshmallow shoebox: wasp. In case of emergency : Latitude. Zutilo, i missed one? Prince Henry the Navigator. Impossible missions (that is,: flax, mountaintop, sheep dance, mauled USB ports) , juggled by fretting box haulers, are being swept into the depths of the ocean of disgrace. Untie the bow ,and we will be reconciled to the truths of Bonshoop-pangst, which just happens to share the function and responsibility of Christmas Wreaths. By the way! Gnarled may be the hands of Nesquik, pero they y el aspiring trapeze artist (played by Judge Claude Frollo) have cleared their throats. Caskets are on sale at Wal-mart for 99 cents. Might want to hurry up. Retrospect - fertilizer^3 + Bangarang Peter^2 = Holy crap I ran out of aspirin to feed my goat.

Mapquest?

A bead of sweat fell from the head of the Beagle's nose as it was playing ping pong with one massive ember of Justice which was formed by 56 potatoes. This ember slightly resembled the normal paddle used in this fun sport, except its talons were shaved down to about the same length as the 432nd time Haverhill Boulevard's community Rooster Cockle doodle doo'ed. Unless you're going to eat it, just keep it inside the battlefield bag, so that Will Smith may truly see the meaning of the Yucatan Peninsula's flying quarks of impossibility. Dangle the pooridge in front of Jack the Ripper and of course he will offer you back a salami. I was barking when all of a sudden it snowed purple diamond encrusted turds. Wasp spray.